By Brenda Wychulis

Some kids just aren't cut out for a regular classroom setting. They may have special educational needs that aren't being met by their current school, or perhaps they have problems outside of school that are interfering with their success. Depending on the nature of the problem, there's probably a school setting that fits, but finding the right one may be difficult. If you're thinking that a residential school may offer the best solution, it's important to know what's out there, because not all schools are the same, and some provide far more than just an academic setting.

You must first define the problem
If you've already spent hours on the phone or Internet scoping out residential schools for your child, you may have discovered that the terms "residential school" and "therapeutic boarding school" don't quite aptly describe what's really out there. There are schools in the wilderness, schools on ships, schools with locked gates and fences, and schools where psychiatrists run the program. During your search, you may have even run into some new terms — "residential treatment center (RTC)" or "residential child care facility (RCCF)."

If you've asked a few questions, you may have some idea of what these are, but in case you haven't, it's crucial for you and to your child to have a firm grasp of the difference. However, before you can find the right school, you really need to be sure that you've clearly defined the problem, as it will guide your search and help you narrow the field.

Is it bigger than the classroom?
As the former Admission Director of a residential treatment center, I fielded hundreds of phone calls from parents who were concerned about their children. Their concerns were all over the map: failing in school, substance abuse, delinquency, severe out-of-control behavior, mental health issues. Sometimes, the problem was just a matter of a mouthy, rebellious teenager. What I found was that regardless of the severity of the problem, it was a very real one for every one of those parents and in many cases, they had no idea where to start in finding help. I also found that a parent's perspective on what classified as "difficult" behavior differed immensely from how schools and centers defined it; many times, I found myself trying to steer parents away from our center without trying to minimize what was for them, I'm sure, a very difficult problem.

So, what's difficult and what's not — and how do you know what kind of school to consider? If you think about your child's problems on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being perhaps a student not meeting their full potential, and a 10 being a child that must be watched 24 hours a day to ensure that they aren't hurting themselves or someone else, that may give you an idea of where to begin defining things. It can help to talk to someone else about it as well, because sometimes parents are too close to the problem and may not have an objective perspective on things — you may either exaggerate or minimize the problem…or you might be spot on.

When you seek an opinion, someone who is not emotionally involved may be a good choice, such as a teacher, a school counselor, a therapist, or perhaps a special education advocate. If you have the time and resources, get multiple opinions, because even the best of professionals sometimes have their biases and you may find that when it comes to issues of emotional and behavioral health, you can get different opinions from different people, each with its own validity. It can be incredibly confusing — and frustrating — but if you start to hear commonalities among those opinions, then that's where you need to focus your efforts.

Be willing to listen
What may be more difficult is making yourself willing to hear what people have to say, especially if it is not what you want to hear or it's something you don't agree with. You might think your child's ADD is a monumental problem, but school professionals may not think that it requires an intervention as extreme as sending your child away. On the other hand, something that seems trivial to you may be a red flag to the folks who see it everyday and know it may be indicative of a bigger problem. You must be willing to listen in order to get your child the best education — and treatment, if necessary.

As parents (and I am as guilty of this as anyone else), it's our nature to defend ourselves and our children. To some degree, it's our protective nature and it helps make us better parents. However, in cases where a child's problems are manifesting far beyond the classroom, it's a rare instance when that child lives in a vacuum. A smart approach to helping a troubled child will include an assessment of you and the other members of the family as well. This doesn't mean that people are looking to place blame, but it does mean they are looking for family dynamics, patterns of behavior, and belief systems — anything and everything that with a little tweaking will create a better environment for everyone. Tweaking could mean suggesting alternatives, or identifying particular areas of strength and bringing them to the forefront through a therapeutic process.

Even the process of addressing your child's problem on a smaller scale, such as assessing a learning disability, may feel intrusive because in so doing it is normal to gather social and medical history from the family. However, a thorough assessment of the problem and its context and history is absolutely necessary. Ultimately, this will translate into success for your child.

The point here is that your child is part of your family. Even if you send your child to a residential school, you are a part of his or her life and their problems cannot be addressed without you being a part of the process. Once you've managed to get as accurate a definition as possible of the problem or problems that must be addressed, you will be able to start looking for the right type of program.

Brenda Wychulis is the former Admission Director of a residential treatment center for adolescent boys and holds a Master's in Public Administration from the University of Colorado. She has 16 years of experience working with mental health, child welfare, and juvenile corrections systems throughout the United States.